[Eng] Ich werde ein Berliner!

 Articles  Add comments
Apr 302010
 

No it’s not an Article in German about becoming a Berliner, ok maybe it is, but I shortly discovered this interestin weblog, that is full of facts about Germans and what you should do to blend in. Eveerything is presented in a very funny and sarcastic way from a point of view of an auslander. Check it out!

There is also a nice personality test which tells you if you are ready to blend in with the germans…. and I failed miserably! :-D

Here is my result:

You're Karl Lagerfeld
You’re Karl Lagerfeld
Take Ich werde ein Berliner today!
Created with Rum and Monkey‘s Personality Test Generator.

The computers determined that your ability to blend in wiz ze Germans is about the same as that of celebrity fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld. “Wait a minute” you say, “isn’t he German? Woohoo! I did it, I am a proper German now!”. Not so fast Auslander. Keep the champagne chilled for now. The truth is, you failed this personality test miserably by achieving the lowest possible score.

This is the detailed personality assessment for you and Karl:

• You were born in Hamburg, Germany, but moved to Paris when you were about 20, never looking back or getting homesick.

Now, as we learned before, it is a requirement for any German person to 1) love Hamburg unconditionally and 2) do blog and forum raids on the internet to try to shut up any Hamburg-critical voice. All German people are aspiring to move to Hamburg one day to live in what they believe to be “the most beautiful city in the world”. Karl however has been overheard calling Hamburg boring, provincial, and is said to be not really keen on visiting the place unless someone pays him a lot of money.

• You own three obscenely huge Hummer-SUVs with drivers, which you use to cruise around Paris or Monaco.

The “right type of German person” would rather be dead than be seen in a Hummer-brand car. Also, German people would love to ban all cars from Paris and make it mandatory for everybody there to use “madame” bicycles.

• You once publicly stated you do not like drugs, alcohol, or smoking.

Pffft..what were you thinking? Now German people will never be able to see you as a creative, quirky, leave alone edgy person.

• You do not own a huge collection of audio-visual media but prefer to read and work all day. While you may have started out as a bohemian and artistic person, you fumbled the ball by actually putting some effort into your career, and through hard work and talent you became uber-rich and uber-famous.

Rich and famous? Hah! Here’s the German term for it: “Friggin’ sellout capitalist son of a bitch!”

• Even though you claim to be a creative person, nobody has ever seen you sporting messy hair, a scruffy beard, a fedora hat, plaids, Chucks, or oversized nerd glasses. You also never attended any indie punk rock concert of “upcoming” local bands, where you expressed your edginess by splashing around cheap beer in an ironic way and “going totally wild and crazy”.

The bottom line of your test result is – you are still stuck on square one of the imaginary “Ich werde ein Berliner” board game. You’ll have to work a lot harder from now on, or you may never blend in wiz ze Germans. Why not start by reading Ich werde ein Berliner all over again now? Preferably on an Apple-branded Laptop in a nearby “alternative” cafe.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rate this post!
Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
 Posted by Albert at 00:53  Tagged with: , , ,
  • http://tileo.wordpress.com/ Ti_Leo

    Get the champagne out! You reached the perfect score! This can only mean one thing – you are already blending in perfectly wiz ze Germans…strike that, you are even surpassing them in terms of sweet, edgy, and quirky German-ness!
    Do German people seem like they just cannot get enough of you? Do they applaud you for every trivial and boring thing you say and see an important, deeper meaning in each of your little gimmicks? Then, you have truly mastered the art of blending in with German people, just like british-born actress/writer/singer/tv-host/political activist/all-around creative yet spontaneous person Charlotte Roche.
     

    Now you probably wonder what makes Charlotte (and you) so “simply irresistible” to German people? Lean back and enjoy spotting the similarities:
    You are a 30-something infinite girlie with messy dark hair, have an ironic fashion sense, and like to use your frequent talk show appearances to pretentiously display your critical stance on tabloid newspapers and “multi-national corporations”. When you hear someome claiming that you yourself may have become just that – a multinational corporation, you use the popular “reproachful stare” move and call that person to lighten up and be less quaint and more spontaneous.
    Looking at your biography, it seems a path to blend in perfectly wiz ze Germans was sketched out from your feeblest beginnings:
     
    You were born into a “creative and alternative” environment in a bobo part of London, the city that aspires to become like Hamburg one day. Your mother is a political activist/slash/artist who married four times. Some lucky day, your family moved to a boring backwater village on the Germany-Netherlands border where you experimented a bit with edgy and artsy stuff like self-mutilation. Your self-proclaimed life goal back then already was to appear more “provocative” to adults (now how edgy is that?). At 15, you moved out to work on your “urban bohemian swag”, and of course had your father pay for the due Altbau apartment.
     
    Being a cold-blooded careerist at heart, you straight went to work at the German music television company VIVA, which was watered-down, cheesier version of MTV. There, you quickly became a celebrity TV-Host, known for interviewing indie rock bands in a “new and edgy” way. Soon, more TV gigs followed, including one “scripted reality” show where you took on several different blue-collar jobs while being followed by one of those totally “now” handheld cameras. German people were again so fully mesmerized by your never-before-seen, quirky, and ironic concept, that the phrase “Did you see Charlotte Roche!! She was driving a bus!! Now, how edgy and ironic is that!!!” had to be included in the official “Duden” dictionary.
     
    Your real claim to fame though is writing a multi-national bestseller in which you break some non-existing taboos in a pretentious and self-important way because you figured out the that that’s the safest and quickest way to get Germans to fetch their “EC-Karte”.

    Now that you are basically done with blending in wiz ze Germans, all left to do for you is to milk your fame for all it is worth. Remember, you will never be made accountable for anything if you keep it ironic, so enjoy your glorious future in D-Land. And maybe drop by Ich werde ein Berliner now and then to say “Hi!”.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://tileo.wordpress.com/ Ti_Leo

    Get the champagne out! You reached the perfect score! This can only mean one thing – you are already blending in perfectly wiz ze Germans…strike that, you are even surpassing them in terms of sweet, edgy, and quirky German-ness!
    Do German people seem like they just cannot get enough of you? Do they applaud you for every trivial and boring thing you say and see an important, deeper meaning in each of your little gimmicks? Then, you have truly mastered the art of blending in with German people, just like british-born actress/writer/singer/tv-host/political activist/all-around creative yet spontaneous person Charlotte Roche.
     

    Now you probably wonder what makes Charlotte (and you) so “simply irresistible” to German people? Lean back and enjoy spotting the similarities:
    You are a 30-something infinite girlie with messy dark hair, have an ironic fashion sense, and like to use your frequent talk show appearances to pretentiously display your critical stance on tabloid newspapers and “multi-national corporations”. When you hear someome claiming that you yourself may have become just that – a multinational corporation, you use the popular “reproachful stare” move and call that person to lighten up and be less quaint and more spontaneous.
    Looking at your biography, it seems a path to blend in perfectly wiz ze Germans was sketched out from your feeblest beginnings:
     
    You were born into a “creative and alternative” environment in a bobo part of London, the city that aspires to become like Hamburg one day. Your mother is a political activist/slash/artist who married four times. Some lucky day, your family moved to a boring backwater village on the Germany-Netherlands border where you experimented a bit with edgy and artsy stuff like self-mutilation. Your self-proclaimed life goal back then already was to appear more “provocative” to adults (now how edgy is that?). At 15, you moved out to work on your “urban bohemian swag”, and of course had your father pay for the due Altbau apartment.
     
    Being a cold-blooded careerist at heart, you straight went to work at the German music television company VIVA, which was watered-down, cheesier version of MTV. There, you quickly became a celebrity TV-Host, known for interviewing indie rock bands in a “new and edgy” way. Soon, more TV gigs followed, including one “scripted reality” show where you took on several different blue-collar jobs while being followed by one of those totally “now” handheld cameras. German people were again so fully mesmerized by your never-before-seen, quirky, and ironic concept, that the phrase “Did you see Charlotte Roche!! She was driving a bus!! Now, how edgy and ironic is that!!!” had to be included in the official “Duden” dictionary.
     
    Your real claim to fame though is writing a multi-national bestseller in which you break some non-existing taboos in a pretentious and self-important way because you figured out the that that’s the safest and quickest way to get Germans to fetch their “EC-Karte”.

    Now that you are basically done with blending in wiz ze Germans, all left to do for you is to milk your fame for all it is worth. Remember, you will never be made accountable for anything if you keep it ironic, so enjoy your glorious future in D-Land. And maybe drop by Ich werde ein Berliner now and then to say “Hi!”.

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://www.droppingpenny.de/ Albert

    Wow an amazing result! I hope I will become like Charlotte Roche one day, especially the part about being girlie with messy dark hair.  :-D

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://www.droppingpenny.de/ Albert

    Wow an amazing result! I hope I will become like Charlotte Roche one day, especially the part about being girlie with messy dark hair.  :-D

    VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://twitter.com/DP_Albert Albert S.

    Test Comment!

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://www.droppingpenny.de Albert

    Wow an amazing result! I hope I will become like Charlotte Roche one day, especially the part about being girlie with messy dark hair. :-D

    VA:F [1.9.13_1145]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
   
© 2010 D.P. Productions Legal Notes Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha